As a Macintosh developer and long-time technology fan, I watched the six months’ hoopla about the release of the Apple iPhone with fascination, and at a recent science-fiction convention, I actually got to handle a brand new iPhone that belonged to another con-goer. The real answer to the question that names this essay is that I am not in the target market for the iPhone -- I will explain why in a moment -- but the compactness, capability, and new technology of the product have made me think a lot about the prospects for related small electronic devices, so I thought I would blather about them for a while.

    The primary reason I am not in Apple’s iPhone target market is that I don’t have any use for a portable ’phone at all. Indeed, I scarcely have any use for my non-portable unit at home: It rings about three times a week. (My iPhone joke was that I didn’t want one because the bundling is wrong  -- it doesn’t come with friends.) I might have long since given up voice telephone service altogether but for the fact that it is hard to get a DSL line without it. I would probably use a portable ’phone if it and its service were free, but it surely isn’t something for which I would be willing to pay for hardware and a telephone service contract, too.

    What’s more, I have never been an iPodling, or carried a Walkman, or anything like it. I do like music, but for me it has always been something you do, not something where you just listen. (The joke here comes when I tell you that I do carry an inexpensive iPod-sized device with me, that can play millions of tunes but is — alas — memory limited — and then I pull out the harmonica that I keep in my belt pouch.)

    [The music industry is rather like the pornography industry, in that it has taken what is fundamentally a highly enjoyable participatory activity and tried to convert it into a spectator sport. And while there are particular cases involving special equipment, unusual physical abilities, or multiple participants, for which this transformation might be warranted, by and large I myself would rather be involved as more than just an observer. So remember, if I should ever suggest that you might want to come over and see my etchings, and if you should choose to accept the offered invitation, you are likely to have to listen to me play guitar as well. But I digress.]

    The iPhone’s third major advertised feature is the ability to download and play movies. I do like movies, but I would rather see them on a bit wider screen than the iPhone’s, and if I am going to do that I might as well use my Macbook or — think of the novelty — go to an actual movie theater.

    So where does that leave me as a prospective iPhone user? Nowhere, but trashing the ’phone, music and movie capabilities would likely leave room to create a truly interesting and useful portable electronic device:

    First and foremost, I want a decent keyboard, or at least an attach point for an appropriate aftermarket unit. The industry has already produced usable keyboards that will fit in a pocket, and the iPhone is a natural target for one.

    Second, I want the “Terminal” application. What that means is, that I want all of Unix, and Apple’s new widget is more than sufficient to provide it: The iPhone’s display is 320 x 480 pixels; in landscape mode, that’s plenty for 25 lines of 80 characters each in nine-point font, and there are millions of Unix installations that have run quite happily with a 25 by 80 terminal interface, emulated or real.

    Third, I want development tools. What’s the point of a Unix box in your shirt pocket if you can’t write code that runs on it?

    Fourth, I want GPS. There are just too many opportunities for a mobile device to provide extra benefit if it knows where it is. Google Earth would be much more fun with a “You Are Here” arrow. And Wi-Fi would be more useful if the machine could keep track of where nearby free networks were, either by looking them up in a database or by remembering them from the last time you were in the area, and was all set to continue its download of your EMail, favorite web sites, and the like, just as you came in range of one.  (And with sufficient WiFi capability in the near future, none of us may need portable access to the ’phone system any more.)

    Fifth, I want broad capability to communicate with other electronic devices: This gizmo is my personal interface to the world of technology, so it should be able to talk to my TV, VCR, game machine, stereo system, Roomba, RoboRaptor, electronic pet door, and coffee pot. (Of the above, I have only a stereo system and a coffee pot, but you get the idea.) It should be able to scan and identify my cats’ microchips, and read bar codes and RFID tags in the store. Channels for IR and radio could be built in, but there probably isn’t room for connectors for all the common varieties of wire-pair communication, so there should be a simple accessory, or a family of accessories, that fit a single connector on the iPhone and fan out to USB, Firewire, Ethernet, and anything else you or Han Solo can imagine.

    Of course, there might be some security problems with all this communication capability plus development tools as well. An appropriately gussied-up iPhone might end up able to talk to the any nearby ATM, cash register, Fandango ticket-dispenser, electronic voting machine, traffic light, webcam, parking meter, or anti-ballistic-missile system. But there are always a few bugs with any new technology, and I am sure Apple has plenty of corporate liability insurance to cover abuse of its products in this manner.

    So if Apple would only take the Phone out of iPhone, I might be willing to buy one. I don’t need to be in any real rush, however: My Macbook isn’t quite as compact as an iPhone, but it has plenty of capability and is certainly small enough to fit in my backpack. And I take it everywhere.